This question was posed to me at a recent conference I was attending. As you can surmise, the presenter was discussing self-limiting behaviors and how they not only limit, but they can be poisonous to the body, mind, and soul. As I reflected on her question, I could not help but think of adolescent behavior. In many ways, the SELF that limits the self is much like a mean girl. Consider what mean girls might do to others:
Here is how it might look to limit the self and what the SELF may say to you.
“You are not as talented as those in your peer group; you do not have as much to offer, and your qualifications are not as strong. Everyone else is better than you.” “You are not as slim, attractive, or fit as others in your department, organization, or field. Because of your lack of physical discipline, you will not be chosen.” “Be careful how you speak up – if you say that, you will jeopardize your status in this organization. Do not rock the boat. Play it safe, so you do not lose points with your boss or peers.” “This is your problem, and no else seems to struggle as much. Just find a way to deal with that person. Everyone else has been able to figure it out – why can’t you?” “You are not good enough if you do not get that next promotion. Success is never achieved if you stay in middle management.” “There is something wrong with you, or you would be invited to participate in those project teams and brainstorming sessions. You are not strategic enough to join those important meetings.” “You are an idiot. You are weak. You are a failure. You are too much. You are not good enough.” I am sure none of you reading this post could imagine saying any of the quoted sentences to another person in a professional setting. So why (why? Why? WHY?) do we say it to ourselves? Notice the mean girl behavior and manage the SELF that limits the self. You deserve better - and you know it! What type of self-limiting behavior do you engage? This month’s blog is a redirect to read my new white paper that summarizes the findings from my dissertation on the silenced female leader. It is never enough for me to add to the scholarly conversation. Research findings must also encourage and inform the practitioners doing the work. Whether you are an executive coach or a leader, your role may require you to deepen your distinctions regarding the issues women face in the workforce when it comes to voice and silence. Women make up almost half the workforce (47.2%), and yet they continue to hold less than 10% of executive leader roles. There are a number of reasons for this under-representation, and my research adds insight into a particular nuance. When women feel silenced, they are often unable to stay on their leader trajectories and thus they opt-out of leadership roles. In many cases, they recover and return but that is not always the case, and recovery from a traumatic silencing experience can take years. One of my favorite authors, Cheryl Glenn, says that silence (not the spoken word) is the only phenomenon that is always at an individual’s disposal. Silence is a rhetoric that can imply multiple meanings and when one is silenced (suggesting they feel muted, suppressed, or muffled), their silence communicates something that is often unintended. Given the high stakes of leadership in our world today, we need both men and women who lead with purposeful voice and voice efficacy. For more information, download the white paper that is available on the Willow Group website. I welcome your comments and feedback and stay tuned for additional publications that highlight systems that silence and the health issues related to silencing. As always, I like to leave a question for consideration.
Who or what silences you? How do you show up when you feel silenced? |
Carrie Arnold, PhD, MCC, BCCIn no particular order: Author | Dog mom | Speaker | Reader | Mom to human offspring | Wife | Lover of Learning | Leadership coach & consultant, The Willow Group | Faculty for Evidence-Based Coaching at Fielding Graduate University
Categories
All
|