In my first post, How to Work with a Leadership Coach, I covered two critical aspects of being a client. One is the willingness to tell your story, and the second is the willingness to reflect. These two fundamental tips apply to the entire coaching engagement and are essential to each conversation.

This post builds on that thinking by sharing how important it is to have an actual objective each time you meet with your coach. One of the biggest mistakes a client can make is not reflecting on what they want out of each session and instead relying on the coach to determine the agenda. This is not how coaching works. It is hard to coach a client who does not know what work they want to engage in or what conversations seem most important. Determining an objective is always the client’s work, and the coach’s job is to meet the client within that declared space.

Here are some objective setting tips:

1. Reflect on your big goals. What motivated you to work with a coach in the first place? Are you making progress in the desired ways? The progress, or lack of, can in itself be a coaching objective.
2. What has happened since the last time you met with your coach. What were your wins, setbacks, or growth moments? These can be objectives for the current session, and your coach can help you identify how these inform your thinking and leading.
3. When work happens between sessions, be ready to give your coach an update on that progress. If you took an action that led to a result (either intended or not), be prepared to share that and what you learned.
4. Often a client is well served by unpacking all the events or issues that are weighing on them so they can better identify what is draining their energy or causing them unnecessary angst or confusion. This is a great session objective, and your coach can be a sounding board to help you untangle all the things you are currently managing, so you get clarity on your options.
5. If you are feeling less than positive or neutral about any area of your leadership, work, or a relationship – this can be a coaching objective. Until something is named and explored, the growth is held at bay. Your coach can be a witness to the description in ways that enable you to determine what changes or approaches you want to take next.
6. Last, sometimes, clients have an issue that has recently surfaced, and they want to use the coaching session to help them problem solve or de-escalate. Perhaps a meeting from yesterday went sideways, or they are angry with someone. These issues are coaching objectives. It is crucial, though, that the client and the coach address these issues within the broader context of the overall growth objective. A mantra for coaches is to not coach issues –coach clients.

​These are just six ways for a client to determine objectives for each coaching conversation and get full value out of this vital form of leadership support. Within each of these examples is an invitation to share your story and reflect on what is most important. Your coach is always willing to work on any objective you say is important – take full advantage of this opportunity.

My next post on this topic will cover the importance of paying attention to the head, heart, and gut.

How clear are you on your objectives? ​

I went to Georgetown University to learn how to be a leadership coach. My academic training introduced me to the art and science of coaching another person. I had a journal from those days back in 2010, and I often go back and read it. On the first day of the first week of my training, I wrote: an essential part of being a coach is learning to deconstruct another person’s story, so I can understand how they create meaning. I must be curious to be a good coach.

This concept of curiosity and being willing to deconstruct a story is not just crucial for me – it is also fundamentally important for the client. However, there are a lot of leaders who do not know how to be in a coach/client engagement and often struggle to get value out of this vital relationship.

So, what does it mean to be a good client?

I have come across a lot of different people in my ten years of coaching. There are those in pain trying to recover from a professional setback. Others are anxious to promote and want to soak in as much professional development as possible to be prepared. Some clients feel stuck and unmotivated; they need someone to help them get clear on all their possibilities. Certain leaders have clear objectives and bring them into a coaching relationship. And then others do not know the first thing about being coached, but they want to take advantage of an opportunity and see where it takes them.

Here are two tips that apply to every client, especially those in the last category.

1. Be ready to tell your story. Go beyond just your resume and what got you to the current conversation. A leadership coach wants to understand what is important to you and what you think, feel, or believe. It requires sharing from the heart. For those who are a bit guarded, ask yourself: How often do I get to speak uninterrupted? When is the last time I got to talk about myself to a person who held no judgment? A good client will take full advantage of this opportunity with each coaching session because it is within our own story that we hear ourselves say things that need to be named. Once spoken, new awareness can surprisingly emerge. With awareness comes options that your coach can help you explore.

 

1. Be ready to reflect. Your coach will ask you hard questions that go beyond providing mere context or easy answers. Clients need to allow themselves to be challenged with not knowing how to respond and then to sit in the ambiguity. A good coach will offer up statements of what they notice you say, and when you hear it back, it may not be comfortable. It is within this discomfort that growth occurs. Allow yourself to be in these moments even when it is not easy – this is your work as a client. Coaches are not paid to have friendly conversations with you; they are paid to help you grow.

There are other ways to be a good client, but these two are fundamental. When I know someone is ready to share their story and is willing to stay open and reflect – growth is inevitable!

In my next post, I will talk about the importance of having clear objectives when working with a coach and how to prepare for the coaching sessions.

Reflective questions:
Do I know my own story? Who has heard it?

Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash