Here are the top 10 things I heard or read on Twitter this last week that made me chuckle!
#10. We picked a bad time to stop listening to scientists.
#9. I guess if I want to sell my new book, I should print it on toilet paper.
#8. The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
#7. My daughter’s college has closed for the rest of the month. My son wants his school to close too. Ya’ll…we home school.
#6. Going to be very depressing when in two weeks, every website is filled with essays with headlines like “Binge-Watching in the Age of Corona virus” and “The Radical Feminism of Social Distancing” and “What Quarantine Taught Me About Vulnerability and Self-Care”
#5. A tip for professors who may be moving to online classes: feature your pets & kids prominently especially if they are doing dumb things. Don’t stop the lecture when your husband yells MOTHA#*?$A in the background cuz he dropped his drink.
#4. Are we supposed to eat the toilet paper, or…?
#3. TV series The Office and if there was a Corona virus episode – Dwight acts completely normal and claims genetic immunity, Angela wears a hazmat suit, Kevin says that he’s had it for weeks and feels fine, and Creed is somehow Patient Zero.
#2. Since we’re all not going anywhere… who should I follow?
And #1. If your dog stretches and you don’t say, “OH BIG STRETCH” every single time, then you are a psychopath and I don’t want to know you!
In the midst of the stress and anxiety, let's not forget to look for joy as humor is good for the soul and we only have each other.
Stay safe my friends!
Photo by Isabel Vittrup-Pallier on Unsplash
Welcome to the funny things I heard in 2018. I started a list last year that landed in an end-of-year blog. I think this idea will stay a tradition because some of this stuff needs to be documented. I have scrubbed the politics out entirely – so you do not need to wear a Doggie Thunder Vest to read. Enjoy!
I can’t get the voice out of my head. It’s like living with Voldemort before he got his body. You know, when he was still attached to that little dude’s head.
Oh, I know who you are talking about. He’s that guy that got fired for farting.
My dog has a lot of time on his hands.
I’m starting to feel like Randall in This is Us.
I feel like Flo in that Progressive insurance commercial. “Where’s my price gun?”
Do not Forrest Gump me.
It’s like that scene from the Purge? Did you see it? Oh, well, don’t; it’s horrible. But it’s like that scene when that chick says, ‘Little Death is back.’
I just can’t please ‘em. I could give them front row tickets to Hamilton, and they would just pee on them and then rip them to shreds - after the pee dried.
The world would be a better place if all the yellow Starbursts just disappeared.
I have so much going on. My husband is in Austin traveling for work, so I have to manage the kids by myself, and last night my dog ate a diaper. It was dirty.
I’m tired of all the administrivia.
This year has been craptastic!
I need snacks – stat!
Let’s not weaponize coaching.
Why is a hand basket always involved when someone is headed to hell?
Wednesday is a wound around the corner.
Am I the only one on the planet who doesn’t know their MBTI code? I took a different assessment, and it said I was an antelope. So, there’s that.
When I say everything that is in my head, it all just goes to hell.
Frustrated is my new ‘F’ word. I have two ‘F’ words now. They are interchangeable.
When did coming to work dirty become a thing? Did you know that’s a thing? Why is this a thing now?
What do I have to do? Give back the blood of my enemies? Well, no... I’m not giving that blood back.
Me: What is top of mind for you as we end this coaching session?
Other person: I can’t stop thinking about how giraffe don’t have upper front teeth.
Me: [Sigh]… Let’s try this again.
I wish people would stop saying, “to make a long story short” cause it’s never short. Do you have a training to help people make it short?
Do you ever accidentally kick your own leg and cut yourself with your big toe nail? That was my morning.
The meeting next door has better food; I stole a potato when no one was looking.
Stop whining, or I swear I won’t buy you the Crazy Cat Lady action figure.
…Um, yes, the Crazy Cat Lady action figure is a thing. I was certain I heard it wrong, but it’s real – I Googled it.
What a year my friends - and it is not over yet! It will be earmarked in our history books forever. I’m fairly sure if we had a quarter for every social media slur, swear, or insult, we might be able to pay off most the U.S. national debt. And yet, there is also goodness to be found in being human. Tucked away in the course rhetoric of 2018, there are verbal gems from people just like us trying to get Starbucks or make sense of their day, life, and leadership.
Happy Holidays and cheers to all the clever and crazy things people say!
Carrie Arnold, PhD, MCC, BCC
In no particular order: Author | Dog mom to Moose | Speaker| Reader Mom to human offspring Wife | Lover of Learning Leadership coach & consultant, The Willow Group | Fellow, Institute for Social Innovation