Weird PhD Lessons Learned

1) Doctoral work makes you chubby.  Just sayin’...
 
2) If you are not asked to rewrite an academic paper at least twice, you have a faculty member who lost your paper or might be in a coma.
 
3) If you have not cried multiple times - ugly, sobbing cries (for reasons see #1 and #2) you are doing it all wrong.
 
4) Academics hold their nose if you use a metaphor or write in a creative manner (see #2).
 
5) Wine helps but also loosens your creativity (see point #1 and #4).
 
6) It is much easier to write 40 pages than 10. Your head may hurt from constant head butting and being told to include more in your literature review but keep it under 25 pages (see #5).
 
7). It helps to have friends who have experienced points 1-6.  If you do not have those types of friends, find friends who appreciate #5 and do not hold you accountable to point #1.
 
8) Academics do not see eye to eye.  Be prepared for your dissertation committee members to give you opposite feedback (see points #2, #3, and #5).
 
9) When you complain your Ph.D. is too hard and question why you are putting yourself through this remember...  I cannot remember which point applies here.
 
10) Only six people will read your dissertation.  You and your five committee members (see #8).  Your family members will not even read the abstract unless they are part of your dedication page.
 
For an additional 25 lessons that will cause academic snickering, see this link: 25-deeply-painful-phd-student-problems-besides-your-thesis.​