​Do you ever feel wordless? I had a client recently say she felt like she had a conversation bubble floating over her head like a word cloud. She could not string the elements together to form a complete sentence. Labels, names, adverbs, adjectives, nouns, verbs – all dangling in space waiting for some resemblance of order, narrative or expression. It’s a head-scratcher to have so many thousands of choices available in the spoken language and not be able to find a few to summarize your thoughts, feelings or reactions. It can be an odd sensation.

The current headlines alone can certainly cause a lot of wordlessness:

• Privileged parents buying their kid’s education when the silent majority follow the rules wondering if they are good enough.
• Senseless acts of violence in places of worship, transit, work, or neighborhood; where are the safe spaces?
• Barbed statements sent through cyberspace by bullies for the world stage to see and comment.
• Storms, floods, fires, blizzards, and extreme weather patterns that have us questioning the environment.

Lots of issues can cause speechlessness. Then there are the slights we experience daily. Whether it is an unresponsive boss, an eye-roll, a rude comment, or an organization culture that silences new ideas in favor of the old way of doing things – it can create a wordless sensation.
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Before we all resort to cussing it out, I have a suggestion. We may need to express that we feel speechless. From a physical perspective, we are never truly without words. Unless there is a physical condition – the vocal cords still work. We can speak, but the emotion can be too strong, leaving us unable to find the right declaration to fit the context. These moments of vulnerability invite your leadership.

Have you ever been in a meeting and said, “I am without words, and I think we need to all sit in silence for a bit and reflect?”

When was the last time you refrained from problem admiration to admit you did not know how to get past the present obstacle because your emotion was clogging your thinking?

Do you permit yourself to slow the constant chatter of achieveachieveachieveachieve hurryhurryhurry talktalktalktalk complaincomplaincomplain directdirectdirectdirect or answeransweransweranswer?

Leadership is most often expressed in words, but it can also be felt in silence.

There is a time for language and a time to be quiet – good leaders maximize both opportunities and do not let the weird wordless feeling go unexplored. When those moments hit - Let them be. Choose silence and see what emerges. There is an invitation in the space that language cannot fill – we do not always realize we need it, but once there, the body will take some big deep breaths.

Where are you wordless and how do you want to manage that?

Photos by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash 

The first answer may not be the real answer. Leaders in the workforce wrestle with provocative questions like:

• What is your leadership style?
• What is your leadership vision?
• What are your leadership strengths?

We all want style, strength, and vision to be successful leaders. We also want to embody what industry and followers perceive as effective. However, when it comes to transforming the self to be that leader, it may be more of a case of want to want versus a want that leads to a willingness to change, do, or be.

Nothing is more uncomfortable than an outfit that digs into the gut, pinches the toes, or swallows you whole. Based on Northouse’s last count, there are 63 different theories of leadership. There are dozens of competencies, skills, and behaviors attached to those theories that range from ‘action oriented’ to ‘written communication.’ I liken it to a large walk-in closet stuffed with clothes. When leaders emulate what others define as effective, they may be trying on too many things with few the right fit. We only feel like ourselves when we wear things that hang on our frame in flattering ways. To find the right fit, we can try on a bunch of different outfits, or we can simplify by taking down our personal measurements and then styling our frames based on actual data.
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When it comes to leadership, don’t just describe your style, vision, and strengths using generic labels and lists of competencies. It is no longer appropriate to say you are a good listener or a good public speaker. Listening and talking are no longer refined enough labels. It is like telling a stylist you like to wear shirts and pants. Some things are naturally assumed.

It is also not okay to describe your style, vision or strengths using language you think others want to hear. If you say you are a strategic thinker but then spend all your time as a leader managing and measuring the work, you may have borrowed a strength that is truly not your own, while underplaying something else that is significant.
I am noticing many leaders fail to know the essence of their leadership. They do not have the descriptors or expressions to articulate how they lead and what it looks like when they are at their best. They want to be effective but it is not a ‘want’ that has led them to take action regarding self-knowledge.