As spring approaches, I itch to plant and get my hands in the dirt! I have been a coach and consultant in private practice since 2011, and my experience has taught me several things. All of them are similar to tending a garden.

• You think you are growing perennials, but you only get one season of growth. I love tulips, and I wonder if they will bloom every Spring. They did in one area of my yard but never reappeared in an area I tended with great care. It is a reminder that I always need a variety of seeds in the soil so that some growth or work occurs.
• You often need a wheelbarrow of crap to help your garden grow. Crap work is the stuff we wish we could avoid, like administrative details, maintaining a social media presence, chasing invoices, scheduling, or networking. My wheelbarrow may not look like yours, but we all have to fertilize and pull some weeds to get a garden to grow.

• Sometimes, the plants in the neighbor’s yard grow in mine. Thanks to the networking efforts of birds and bees, I have beautiful bushes with purple blooms growing in spaces I did not actively create. This is also true in practice; often, our best work comes through the generosity of our colleagues. Stay in community and enjoy how your garden can benefit from someone else’s careful planting.
• Have a variety of flowers in your garden. It can be a bit boring only to have red petunias. True beauty comes in different heights, variations, and colors. This requires some creativity and careful attention each season to what you plant. In practice, we cannot always assume that one client organization will always renew its contract. We need an assortment of small, medium, and large-size connections that keep the garden mixed and diverse. If one bush starts to die off, it creates space for something else to grow.
• Last, not everything has to be a flower. Pumpkins can grow like crazy, and so do strawberries (unless you have a black lab who believes everything in the yard is his salad. He once ate an entire zucchini patch). As the garden expands, you may want to rotate what you grow or add a walking path, koi pond, or some trees. Each of these can represent different parts of your practice that are significant.

You do not have to be a solopreneur for this garden metaphor to resonate. Your professional garden represents relationships, projects, work streams, divisions, and responsibilities. As Spring descends, consider not only what you plant in your actual garden at home but also your professional one.

Is your garden growing by design, or is it accidental? What needs pruning or watering? Is the soil ready for something new?

I was adopted when I was six weeks old, and I have never met those responsible for my biological birth. It’s funny how now, in my adult life, I always seem to be on the lookout for those who look like me. A few times I’ve had this funny Deja vu sense, and I find myself oscillating between real curiosity and this strange internal rage. I have not quite figured out how to be level-headed when these sensations roll through me. I have finally accepted that EQ is my life-long developmental focus.

I was only four months old when I was diagnosed with a genetic disorder. I required hospitalization and a great deal of medical care, a special diet, and expensive medication. At the time, my parents did not have insurance. I know it was rough for them and all these years later, I am still so attached to the little plastic pillbox with different cubbies for the day of the week and time of the day. I find myself living my life around those little tiny squares. Some might even call me a pill popper.

I will never be free of the drugs or the dietary restrictions, but I always feel gratitude for the sacrifices made to keep me healthy. Everyone has their ‘thing’. Some struggle with allergies, infections, others obesity, and many more with unhealthy eating disorders. I have lost track of the friends who complain of joint issues. Life is full of ailments - mine is my liver, and it’s something I’ve learned to live with. It does not define me.

I don’t have siblings, and I find this actually does define me. I have never had to share toys, beds, or lose privacy to someone who was constantly in my space. This is probably why emotional-evenness is something I’ve not quite mastered. I find myself feeling a little tense when I’m in crowds or when my routine is disrupted. Being with others is a constant joy and a constant source of anxiety. Perhaps my mental health and my liver are tied together. I wish this organ somewhere in the middle of me that is supposed to remove toxins from my blood could also remove the lingering toxins in other places of my life that cause poor choices.

Having said all this, let me tell you how this year has actually been the best year of my life. It’s a strange thing to admit, and I know everyone is feeling low levels of depression and worry. I sense it everywhere and from everyone. No one is happy right now, and there is always an accompanying four-letter adjective resembling excrement when 2020 is mentioned. For me, though, it’s been a complete game-changer.

I used to enjoy my independence, but my introverted tendencies left me choosing past-times that were not appropriate or wise. I’ll spare you the details, but having too much time left me digging emotional holes that I could never fill. I actually believed I was a private digger and thought for so long no one knew what I was doing or how I was spending my time. I was a fool to believe this - the people around me always knew. They.always.knew!

I could hear my family and friends talking about me when they thought I was not in ear-shot. The word ‘intervention’ still makes me shiver - there is something so sinister about this utterance. Each syllable has an angry sound, and all I hear in my head is no, no, no, no. Let me just say, I spent way too much time alone doing alone time things I should not do.

Now, things are different. I have found a way to be alone while never losing companionship. I rarely have the house to myself, but when I do, I will literally roll around in the serenity of this sweet pleasure of me-time. What once caused pain is now a luxury that has made me realize how I can be still and feel love without worry. Every single one of us is wired for connection, and we can tell ourselves lies all day long denying that we are needy. I am beginning to accept all my needs and feels, and instead of the unhealthy hole-digging, I now choose to curl up with someone and let my heart rate calibrate with theirs. I have never felt this much peace. 

- Blog post provided by Moose (The Arnold Family Black Labrador Retriever) originally published in December 2020.