Oh, the Things People Say… (the 2018 list!)

Welcome to the funny things I heard in 2018. I started a list last year that landed in an end-of-year blog. I think this idea will stay a tradition because some of this stuff needs to be documented. I have scrubbed the politics out entirely – so you do not need to wear a Doggie Thunder Vest to read. Enjoy!

I can’t get the voice out of my head. It’s like living with Voldemort before he got his body. You know, when he was still attached to that little dude’s head.
 
Oh, I know who you are talking about. He’s that guy that got fired for farting.
 
My dog has a lot of time on his hands.
 
I’m starting to feel like Randall in This is Us.
 
I feel like Flo in that Progressive insurance commercial. “Where’s my price gun?”
 
Do not Forrest Gump me.
 
It’s like that scene from the Purge?  Did you see it?  Oh, well, don’t; it’s horrible.  But it’s like that scene when that chick says, ‘Little Death is back.’
 
I just can’t please ‘em.  I could give them front row tickets to Hamilton, and they would just pee on them and then rip them to shreds - after the pee dried.
 
The world would be a better place if all the yellow Starbursts just disappeared.
 
I have so much going on. My husband is in Austin traveling for work, so I have to manage the kids by myself, and last night my dog ate a diaper. It was dirty.
 
I’m tired of all the administrivia.
 
This year has been craptastic!
 
I need snacks – stat!
 
Let’s not weaponize coaching.
 
Why is a hand basket always involved when someone is headed to hell?
 
Wednesday is a wound around the corner.
 
Am I the only one on the planet who doesn’t know their MBTI code?  I took a different assessment, and it said I was an antelope.  So, there’s that.
 
When I say everything that is in my head, it all just goes to hell.
 
Frustrated is my new ‘F’ word.  I have two ‘F’ words now.  They are interchangeable.
 
When did coming to work dirty become a thing?  Did you know that’s a thing?  Why is this a thing now?
 
What do I have to do?  Give back the blood of my enemies?  Well, no...  I’m not giving that blood back.
 
Me:  What is top of mind for you as we end this coaching session?
Other person:  I can’t stop thinking about how giraffe don’t have upper front teeth.
Me:  [Sigh]… Let’s try this again.
 
I wish people would stop saying, “to make a long story short” cause it’s never short. Do you have a training to help people make it short?
 
Do you ever accidentally kick your own leg and cut yourself with your big toe nail? That was my morning.
 
The meeting next door has better food; I stole a potato when no one was looking.
 
Stop whining, or I swear I won’t buy you the Crazy Cat Lady action figure. 
 
…Um, yes, the Crazy Cat Lady action figure is a thing. I was certain I heard it wrong, but it’s real – I Googled it. 
 
What a year my friends - and it is not over yet! It will be earmarked in our history books forever. I’m fairly sure if we had a quarter for every social media slur, swear, or insult, we might be able to pay off most the U.S. national debt. And yet, there is also goodness to be found in being human. Tucked away in the course rhetoric of 2018, there are verbal gems from people just like us trying to get Starbucks or make sense of their day, life, and leadership.
 
Happy Holidays and cheers to all the clever and crazy things people say!