Nothing feels more satisfying than meeting someone and hearing, No way! Me too! We love finding like-minded people who share similar thoughts or interests. We are hard-wired to live and interact in community. We need our tribes! It is also normal for us to seek commonality in our complaints and seek people who we can gripe with (just check out Facebook). Let’s face it – complaining feels good. The mere act of expressing our grumbles and grievances can bring an emotional release and catharsis, and there is plenty of research to demonstrate the wellness of expression. However, there is a distinction between expressing our dissatisfaction and admiring our problems. Problem admiration occurs when we voice the same concerns over and over to multiple people. In a professional setting, this can be a natural occurrence. Organizations rarely get it right as often as we would hope and our institutions both public and private give us plenty to complain about. When we feel strongly about our complaint, we will recruit colleagues to adopt our perspectives and expressions of dissatisfaction until we hear these satisfying words - YOU.ARE.RIGHT! I think this is a problem too. Let me add my two cents… And voila! Problem admiration has magically begun. Behind every complaint is a request and often that request is to be heard. I have found that people will show a strong fidelity to problem admiration until the right questions are asked. It is also important to note that we cannot collectively rely on a shared knowledge of the obvious. We have to ask basic questions and provide simple responses. For instance:
If we cannot get to the bottom of the request behind a complaint, individuals can stay in a circular mindset of problem admiration. There has to be a pattern interrupt, and simple provoking questions can often be a magic wand.
In closing, sometimes all the right questions are asked and we are still not ready to move beyond our complaints. Problem admiration can be less toxic when we know we are consciously choosing it. Sometimes we just need to stay mad one more day and admire the tar out of something before we choose the act of courage and move on or let go. What problems are you admiring? If you google the term ‘repurpose’ you will automatically see the word furniture. If you select that search path, you see links that describe 22 clever ways to repurpose old furniture or 12 new uses for old chairs, and dozens of DIY links that help you turn old TVs into dog beds, wooden ladders into bookshelves and old windows into wall art. There is something appealing and satisfying for many when they take an old discarded item and turn it into something new and aesthetic. The pieces of furniture reduce to a sum of parts. Then they are reconstructed and repurposed. Wood is valuable and can be stripped, stained, painted, nailed, sawed, crafted, and carved. For those with creative eyes – the parts are more important than the whole. When you stop and think about it – trees are incredible; their provision is immeasurable. Often we fail to see the parts to leadership and instead focus on the whole. Leaders in industry ponder what it takes to on-board and develop leaders; then they stew over the ‘opt-out’ phenomenon when their investment in talent results in turnover and churn. Academic journals publish research that tries to make better sense of the gap in female and diverse leaders and why there are more women in graduate programs but less in corner offices and boardrooms. Women make up 48% of the workforce, and yet they fail to hold even 25% of top leadership positions. Leadership as a whole has become unattractive. Like the old clunky 1970’s television that sits on the shag carpet in the living room, it is impossible to move and has terrible reception. I believe organizations are focusing on the wrong things when it comes to leadership. Recent studies show that men are opting out of leadership in equal numbers. Women are not the only ones – men are not thrilled about being a clunky television either. Even our young MBA students have aspirations that veer away from top executive roles. This shift in appeal requires private and public sectors to begin a discourse on what it means to re-purpose historical views of leadership. Individuals are not enticed by the 60-hour workweeks, political navigation of institutional games, hauling a laptop home every night and weekend lest they fall behind, or the heavy focus on policy and procedure. To win back top talent that has opted out, leadership roles in general need to move away from a gestalt acceptance and instead be reconstructed. What parts still make sense and what needs to be re-purposed for better results? I have worked with clients who have negotiated unique arrangements with their organizations that include everything from sabbaticals, leading short-term projects, sharing leadership, team leadership, outsourcing parts of leadership, to negotiating advanced education in return for short commitments and contributions. This goes beyond work/life balance (something slippery and hard to achieve) and instead focuses on micro-energy management and leveraging strengths that serve both the leader and the organization. These types of conversations and negotiations require creativity, risk, and willingness to change. It is about re-purposing. It is unrealistic for organizations to assume these agreements will result in total retention. Instead, they should assume turnover and negotiate with top talent for one or two-year terms that allow both parties opportunity for exploration and off ramping without harm. The days of employment commitment are unrecognizable in today’s changing environment. Instead, organizations need to provide seasoned leaders with career experiences that move organizational performance while allowing for individual flexibility. Like a good oak, effective leaders (under the right conditions) can bring immeasurable worth to a business.
What would it look like to re-purpose leadership in your organization? |
Carrie Arnold, PhD, MCC, BCCIn no particular order: Author | Dog mom | Speaker | Reader | Mom to human offspring | Wife | Lover of Learning | Leadership coach & consultant, The Willow Group | Faculty for Evidence-Based Coaching at Fielding Graduate University
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