Gripped Endings

​The more I work with leaders, the more distinctions I see in how people handle change. Nothing lasts forever and most endings bring an emotional response. Sometimes it is a celebratory reaction or a liberation. We breathe a sigh of relief that a welcomed change has finally arrived. Most often, though, transition brings a sense of loss, and if we are not careful, we can get gripped in multiple ways.
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1. Pre-Grippers – the grieving begins long before the end occurs. People are gripped with anticipation and envision the pain. They mull the end. The positive side to this approach is the ending is rarely as hard as the process they put themselves through. The downside is the person is not present with life’s goodness leading up to the eventual loss.
2. Scheduled Grippers – People put off any pre-ending preparation, thinking, or feeling until the end occurs and they are forced to deal with it. They are gripped in real-time by the change. The end can cause paralysis or a strong reaction as they are jolted by tidal waves of emotion that roll over them until they maneuver through the ending and reach solid ground again. Life can sometimes come to a screeching halt during these periods with a slow and sluggish re-entry.
3. Post-Grippers – People yearn so much for the end and the release an ending may bring, they deny any sorrow until long after the transition. Instead, they experience relief and focus on the positive side of the change. The downside to this approach is that people are often surprised to later find they are gripped, grieving a loss from the past.
4. Grip Dodgers – People deny themselves all emotion (positive or negative), an ending may bring. Life is too busy, and there is no time to slow down to feel or process. When this approach is used repeatedly, coping strategies begin to break down, and the body eventually experiences a short-circuiting. A person can only dodge emotion so long before it takes over.

What if we were able to experience an ending with no grip?

What if instead of being startled by emotional endings or bracing ourselves for the end, we let things transition while staying fully aware and present?

What would it take to see the change objectively versus feeling subjected by the ending?

We are always at choice with change. We can choose to hold it, grip it, or let it gently go. Subtle shifts in the mindset can create new reactions, and awareness always brings learning.

What endings are you facing?