Three Things I Must Break to Learn and Grow

At a recent leadership coaching conference, I learned the power of ‘I Must.' Sometimes I must lie on the floor and get nose-to-nose with my black lab. Sometimes I must hug my 14-year old daughter even when she holds herself limp or stiff. I must play the radio too loud, text my husband when he is busy, paint a wall, eat chocolate, drink wine, scroll Pinterest, laugh, cry, write. Sometimes, I simply must!
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We all have our ‘musts’ that make us abundantly flawed and beautifully human. I have also learned that to grow continually and develop as an adult I must be willing to break three things.

• First, I must break silence. As a private introvert who is deeply sensitive, I like to admire something I have learned within the confines of my own mind. Sometimes words fail and I lose interest in trying to find ways to voice something I have discovered. However, learning cannot be transformational when done in secret – it must be shared. Transformation is also best experienced in community.
• Second, I must break a pattern. Sometimes that pattern is a belief that I have the right answers. People who are committed to being right are often seen by others as righteous. Breaking a belief pattern requires letting go of certainty and getting comfortable with not knowing. I must get curious and push the edges of my consciousness to allow different, weird, and new into my thinking.
• Third, growing as an adult breaks your heart. Knowledge is socially constructed through stories, connections, and language. As I learn about my clients, and myself, I can stay at a cognitive level and collect facts or data. However, if I want to grow, I must allow myself to expand, to feel, to join, and to create space that pushes me to the point of heartbreak.

As a leadership coach, I need to name and know my personal and professional musts. Someone else cannot prescribe them, lest they lose their essential quality and become disingenuous.

What must you do or be? What must happen for you to learn and grow?